How a father should raise his son. Raising a son: benefits for fathers. The role of the father in raising his daughter

If the mother plays a special role in raising a daughter, then the father has an invaluable influence in the development of a son as a man.

It is not surprising that children with mental disabilities grow up in single-parent families, because the model of relationships does not imply the participation of one of the parents in the development of the child. This format has a less significant effect on girls, because the mother is able to explain to her daughter the features of adult life. The absence of a male “hand” in raising a son is accompanied by more negative consequences. The young man does not know how to behave with girls, does not know the rules of behavior in society, and has heard aloof about the priorities of true gentlemen.

Despite the fast pace of life, in which dads are forced to spend a lot of time at work, paying attention to the child is simply necessary. To know how a father can raise his son, you need to carefully study the needs of children and their stages of growing up.

Child Development Stages

In the everyday bustle, it is important for the father not to miss the child, helping and mentoring his son in time. The process of upbringing is an integral part of the development of personality, therefore the parent’s participation in the child’s growing up does not stop even after he reaches adulthood. The son will especially need his father's support and advice in the coming periods of time.

Up to 6 years

During this period, the child maintains a close connection with his mother, so the father’s only task is to pay attention to the baby, make him feel boundless love and provide a sense of security.

From 6 to 14 years old

This time interval is distinguished by the special curiosity that the boy shows. He is interested in exploring the delights of life, meeting new people and discovering the makings of a man in himself. The young fidget begins to take a closer look at his father, watches his dad’s habits, parodies behavioral characteristics, trying to attract the attention of his parent. During these years, it is important to work with the child, developing his abilities and talents, increasing the level of knowledge and intelligence. Do not forget to educate the young man about the concepts of “good” and “evil”, giving colorful and memorable examples.

From 14 to 18 years old

The child is preparing for adulthood, so he needs an experienced mentor. The best teacher for a son is a father, who must find time for lectures and educational conversations. It is recommended to develop responsibility and self-sufficiency in young people, to involve them in serious matters and to familiarize them with the peculiarities of the social system. Many phenomena will become discoveries for a teenager, so it is impossible to cope with the current situation without the help and support of the father.

Taking into account the above intervals, the fact becomes obvious: the child needs a father throughout his life, performing various functions in accordance with the age of the offspring. According to the famous statement: “Children remain children as long as their parents are alive.” The meaning of the thesis contains the global significance of the mother and father in the fate of the offspring. Only caring parents are capable of moments of despair and share hours of joy in a narrow circle.

The child's needs for communication with the father

For a young explorer who strives to explore unknown areas of life, it is important to have a positive example of a father nearby. The child’s subconscious involuntarily copies the father’s behavior model, carefully “remembering” his relationships with his mother and friends, parents and colleagues. In the process of observations, the son forms his own worldview, so the best example for him is a father who:

• makes fair and unquestionable decisions;
• has a sparkling sense of humor;
• shares personal experience, informing his son about spiritual and family values;
• finds time to play and spend time together with the boy;
• is distinguished by the stability of its own worldview, without changing the decisions made;
• is not afraid to take on responsibilities, fulfilling promises in a timely manner;
• will introduce the young son to the adult world of the male half of humanity;
• demonstrates “actions” that are incomprehensible to a child using his own example;
• trusts the child with his innermost thoughts and keeps his son’s youthful secrets;
• explains new information in accessible language and does not laugh at the youthful maximalism of the child.

In the 21st century, most fathers do not have time to fulfill a simple list of the child’s needs. The detached position of the parent negatively affects the upbringing of the child, who grows into a man who does not know the rules of behavior in society. A mother is able to teach her child etiquette and manners, but to tell in “colors” about the process of protecting a girl or her first sexual experience is the competence of the father.

Only male influence, accompanied by the unshakable authority of the father, forms in the boy’s mind the correct foundations and a socially optimized worldview. It will be easier for such a child to achieve recognition from society, achieve success in the professional sphere and build a love relationship with the girl he likes.

Psychology of paternal education

Father's influence in the process of a boy's development has a positive effect not only on the formation of his son's personal qualities, but also on a number of medical and social indicators. The correct format of upbringing and the correct model of communication between father and child is a fundamental factor, according to scientists, in the following areas:

• Paternal attention helps accelerated development of connections between the left and right hemispheres of the brain.
  In the process of spending useful time in the company of their beloved dad, boys develop a technical mindset. It is not surprising that in families where the father works a lot with his offspring, great mathematicians and physicists grow up.
• If the father is involved in raising the child, then the son mental abilities appear earlier and speech skills develop.
• The formed worldview of a boy who grew up without a father is prone to crime. Such children are especially predisposed to using alcohol, tobacco products and drugs. For such a child, there are no authorities, so he abandons his studies mainly during his school years, indulging in the romance of the streets.
• Sons with whom their fathers regularly explored the world are less likely to experience mental disorders and deviations.

It is important to note that in the process of education, psychologists recommend minimizing the number of conversations in a raised voice. and avoiding physical punishment is another unspoken rule for a parent who wants to raise his son to be a decent man. If the father raises his hand to the child, then as a result the child’s subconscious will imprint a similar model of communication as a standard option. In most cases, adult offspring project this format of upbringing onto their own children, taking out anger and resentment.

In order not to raise an antisocial personality, the father must raise his son correctly, promptly explaining to him the rules of behavior for men in society. Psychologists recommend that dads use the following set of recommendations to help them not miss important aspects in the process of forming a young boy’s worldview:

• A father should not shame his son for offenses committed due to lack of knowledge. It is better to explain to the child how to act correctly in the current situation.
• Dad should not make fun of his son's tears and fears that appear at a young age. For boys who have not reached stage 3 of development, this is a normal phenomenon, which is contraindicated to mock.
• A parent should teach his son to treat women with respect from childhood in order to eliminate the risk of assault and insults at an adult age. You can start the explanation by opening the door for the lady, and end with saving the young lady from the “hands” of the enemy.
• It is recommended that a father instill in his child a love of work from childhood, captivating him with masculine games. Carving an intricate piece of wood or helping adults build a gazebo in their summer cottage are great activities for a boy.

• The father should be sympathetic to the virtuous impulses of his son, who wants to help out a friend or help a relative. Such aspirations should be encouraged by supporting the child in any endeavors.
  A male parent needs to monitor his own behavior. You cannot appear at home drunk, communicate disrespectfully with your son’s mother, or swear in front of him with friends and relatives. The child’s consciousness completely adopts the model of relationships promoted by the “mentor,” so the example must invariably be positive.
• The father should not turn the baby against the mother, provoking conflicts in the family. This advice becomes especially relevant for divorced families, where parents take turns raising children, trying to win the attention and respect of the young researcher. In this situation, it is better to adhere to creative tactics - encourage the correct behavior of the offspring, who must obey both adults.
  The father should control his own communication with the child, adhering to one format of education.
• The optimal option is the “carrot” and “stick” model, where the offspring develops a worldview through a set of rewards and punishments.
• Dad needs to remember that in relationships with the baby it is important to show care and affection in a timely manner. A young fidget should feel that his parent loves him infinitely, participating in all spheres of life.

The father should not be guided by generally accepted recommendations, trying on the image of the mother in his own appearance - the male style of education differs significantly from female methods. By adhering to the above tips, caring dads will be able to raise a little fidget into a self-sufficient man who will enjoy success with girls and respect among friends.

Tolerance and respect for age, gallantry and nobility, responsibility and courage - the personal qualities of a boy who grew up with the direct participation of his father become an example to follow. The main thing is for dads to find time to raise their own children in the fast pace of life in the 21st century.

Of course, the father plays as important a role in the life of any child as the mother. As for a boy’s child, who else but the father will teach him everything that a man should be able to do. This includes the ability to handle construction tools, driving skills and tricks, the ability to ski, as well as fishing, hunting and much more.

This is all good, but what about the personality of the future man, how to make him strong, self-confident, self-sufficient, successful? What role does the father play in this?

When to start raising your son

The father must take part in the child's life from the very birth. If a man thinks that “let him grow up a little, then I’ll start raising him,” then he is deeply mistaken. What does growing up mean? When will he be how old: three, five, fifteen? You can wait a long time for this time, and what’s even worse, it will be irretrievably lost. If you do not start working with a boy from birth, then his sphere of interest will be only within the framework of female influence.

It has been scientifically proven that fathers are just as sensitive to their baby's signals as mothers. Children do not have greater attachment to one person. From birth they are equally attached to both parents. It all depends on you; if you, a father, have protected yourself from raising a child in infancy, then the child will naturally be drawn to his mother.

A father should not be afraid to hold his baby son in his arms. The more he does this, the faster the boy will satisfy his tactile need, which means the faster he will begin to develop independently and not hold on to his mother’s skirt.

Father and son communication

Communication with his father plays a special role in the development of a boy. Through communication, the child adopts masculine behavior and learns a masculine view of the world. Modern fathers are very busy with their careers, making money, and they hardly have enough time to talk with their wives. But communication is very important both in relation to your spouse and in relation to your child. Especially the communication between father and son. “You can’t earn all the money,” but the time spent with your son may be lost forever. And then you shouldn’t be surprised when they call him “mama’s boy.”

It is very important that the father consults with his son, even on trivial matters. Thus, he shows that his opinion matters, that his opinion is important to his father, because he is also a man. Of course, it is hardly appropriate to discuss issues of moving and changing jobs with a small child, although it is possible with a teenager. Thus, the teenager will feel the importance of making serious decisions, the importance of his opinion in the family, as well as responsibility for the decisions made.

When repairing anything around the house or in the garage, take your child with you. Ask him or tell him, for example, which wrench is better to take and why. Or, for example, that a Phillips screwdriver is used to tighten self-tapping screws, and a flat screwdriver is used to tighten screws.

How to communicate with your primary school-age son? It’s very simple - through the game. Let dad teach his son to play the games he played before. Through the game you can show how to properly handle objects. For example, what is a hammer and how to use it, where is the engine of the car, etc. You can teach a child a lot through play.

Every family must have certain rules. In addition, it is very important to give the child responsibilities (for example, taking out the trash). Yes, the child may rebel against this, but teaching him what is and is not possible will teach him discipline and order.

Only by seeing a real example of a real man in front of him will a boy become a real man. All this is formed under the direct guidance of the father.

It is the presence of a father, or a person replacing him (uncle, grandfather, older brother), that forms in a boy a sense of security and integrity. The absence of a father in the family causes boys to feel deprived, melancholy and inferior.

For boys of any age, praise and appreciation of their actions and achievements from their father is very important. Since the father will always be the standard of behavior for the boy. It is very important to praise your child even for small achievements. This encourages the child to set and achieve new goals.

Relationships with the opposite sex

The relationship between father and mother is the standard of interpersonal relationships in a couple for a child. Naturally, the boy copies his father’s behavior in relation to a woman, in this case his mother.

Of course, the mother’s behavior is also an example. An example of the personal qualities that a boy will look for in a potential partner in the future.

If the relationship between parents is cold and distant, the child feels all this. The child also feels if the parents kept the family together only for his sake. All this will directly affect his relationship with his wife.

If a child between the ages of 3 and 5 declares that he will marry his mother, this is a good sign. These are the first manifestations of his sexual identification - the Oedipus complex. During this period, the boy is especially attached to his mother, but his father will cause negative emotions in him. He will be perceived as a rival. In relation to the father, the child can behave aggressively: scream, swear, push him, etc. All this is a good indicator of the boy’s correct psychosexual development. During this period, it is very important for the father not to be surprised by what is happening. This is all temporary and will soon return to normal. This usually goes away by 5-6 years. Then the father again becomes a role model and copy.

It is important that during this period the father does not give in to his son’s antics, and also does not respond with aggression to his behavior. It is very important for the father to remain calm during this period and tolerate his son’s behavior. If the father, during this period, behaves inappropriately, telling his wife “this is your son, so raise him yourself,” then the son’s transition to his father’s side may be delayed.

If the father was not with his son during the period from 3 to 5 years, this may not have a favorable effect on the boy’s gender identity and on building relationships with the opposite sex in the future.

Who should punish the boy

Usually, father's punishments are harsher than mother's. Fathers are less flexible, more stern and conservative. Therefore, a boy perceives punishment from his father completely differently than from his mother. After all, the father is an authority, and the mother is a woman. Through his father's punishment, the boy better learns his mistakes, and also learns patterns of male behavior. He better understands that if dad was so angry, “that means my behavior was hardly worthy of a real man” and in the future, he will not do such stupid things.

Under no circumstances should a father humiliate a boy's personality when raising him. This includes ridicule of the son. This has a negative effect. This behavior on the part of the father lowers the boy's self-esteem. He begins to feel unsure of his strengths, his capabilities, his masculinity, etc. It’s very easy to laugh at an inept 12-year-old, but it’s very difficult to tell your growing son about simple and basic things that he doesn’t yet know. It is even more difficult to repeat them several times. Put yourself in the child’s shoes: how would you cope with this situation at his age?

For example: if your son doesn’t know how to do pull-ups and therefore doesn’t do well in physical education at school, you don’t need to say how useless he is and that you did pull-ups 50 times at his age. Better hang a horizontal bar at home and train your son. The son will be very happy to spend time with his father, and even learn how to pull himself up.

Avoid insults such as “you’re stupid”, “you’re stupid”, “are you dumb”. It’s better to explain to the boy what exactly his mistake is. I repeat, this may be elementary for you, but not for him. It is very easy to lower a boy’s self-esteem, but teaching him to find a way out of a difficult situation, to be responsible and independent is difficult. This takes years.

In addition, in no case should a father put “labels” on his son: “Lucy”, “Masha”, “Fedya”, etc. From time to time the boy will feel his worthlessness and unconsciously begin to associate himself with a weakling, with a “girl”, with “Lucy”. The boy will continue to do stupid things, with the subconscious attitude “...what else can you expect, I’m Lucy.”

If the father appeared in the boy’s life later

If the father was absent during the most important periods of the boy’s personality development, then the prototype of male behavior for the child will be the characters in the film, male acquaintances, friends, brother or grandfather, etc. From them he will take an example of masculine behavior, style of communication and interpersonal interaction. So take a closer look at who is around your son. It is from these people that he will copy the correct, in his opinion, male behavior.

If a child does not remember his father, he will build his image in his thoughts from the stories of his family and friends.

If the father is “coming”, then the boy tends to communicate with them in his thoughts. Think about how the father would respond in this situation, what he would do. Of course, this is not always effective communication, but in any case, it takes place.

For example: perhaps the father would not advise his son to hit back at a classmate for something, but would suggest talking and verbally humiliating the culprit. But the boy, in his thoughts, thought differently and “pushed” his classmate, and then they called his mother to school.

Building masculinity

A man needs to be raised like a man, no matter what his mother says). If he falls, there is no need to immediately jump to his aid, stroke him, blow on his knee and kiss him. Everyone falls, everyone gets bruised, there is no need to make a dramatic performance out of this.

It is the father who must explain to his son that:

• Men do not complain, do not cry, that men are brave, strong and persistent.
• Real men are not afraid to sleep in the dark.
• A real man will not take risks unnecessarily, he cannot be called out “weakly”, he always thinks before doing something.
• Emotionality and pugnacity are not characteristic of real men.
• A calculating mind, the predominance of reason over emotions, the ability to justify one’s decision, the ability to accept responsibility for one’s actions - this is what is characteristic of a real man.

Of course, in words it sounds much more ideal than in reality. In fact, it is sometimes difficult to maintain a relationship with the baby’s father. But if there is still a father, then he must understand at least the basic rules of behavior with his son, in order to then know where his legs grow from and why the son behaves this way and not otherwise.

Raising a son by a father is considered fundamental to the boy’s further development as a man. Dad must be constantly present in the baby's life. Let's analyze the opinions of psychologists about how and what role a man plays in this.

Before we begin to sort out the peculiarities of paternal upbringing, let’s find out whether a dad is needed at all? Over time, the world has developed a system of values, according to which all the functions of a man as a father come down to two main responsibilities:

• The father must explain to his son the essence of social relations and teach him to adequately evaluate his own behavior and the behavior of other members of society.
• The father is obliged to help his son realize himself as a man in order to avoid problems in the area of ​​gender relations.

Thanks to these two points, the baby will be able to develop personally and socially. If, for some reason, father and son did not become close, dad neglected his duties, then you should not be surprised that later... It is quite possible that he will be called “mama’s boy,” and all only because he did not have an example of male behavior before his eyes, he does not know the difference between male and female ways of solving problems. Ignorance of any features of the male subculture can also serve as a subject of ridicule. Communication with the opposite sex can be difficult due to the fact that the boy simply does not know how to behave with girls, how to build relationships.

Often the roots of all these problems lie precisely in the lack of paternal attention. Most likely, in childhood there were situations when the boy needed his dad’s help in the form of a regular conversation or conversation. As a rule, there is no time for intimate conversations, because dad earns money and is tired from work. Today this model of dad behavior is being promoted. Naturally, the material well-being of a family is a heavy burden that not every man can bear. However, a lack of paternal upbringing can have a hundreds of times worse impact on a child’s development than a lack of money. If dad can distribute his time so that there is always room for his son, the baby will see from an early age an ideal model of family relationships, which he will later build in his family.

Dad's job is to socialize his son

Mom and dad love their children in different ways. This is inherent in nature. A mother loves her baby unconsciously, sometimes it may even seem that her love is genetically programmed, unlike the father’s love. It is usually subject-based. This is due to the fact that dad often combines his love with his son’s achievements and successes. This behavior of a man from the first years of his life instills in his son a value-based attitude towards himself and the world. The father does not even always consciously teach the child to see his own actions and the actions of others from the outside, and evaluate them using unique criteria of acceptability. We often hear from dads the phrases “Why are you acting like a girl!”, “You are a man, and men must endure!” or “Look at dad, he’s not crying!” Hearing this regularly, the baby learns certain social standards: how a boy should behave in society, what is considered ugly or unacceptable, etc.

In any case, the son will look up to his father. The mother’s behavior, naturally, also plays an important role, but the baby adapts the way the father behaves to himself. During any contact with the baby, the man demonstrates how the stronger sex should act in different situations, what norms of behavior exist for men. An excellent tool is fishing, hunting, sports games and other traditionally male hobbies.

Why can mom sometimes cause harm?

Almost always, a father’s hobby can be transferred to his son. If dad didn’t have a car and he and his son never repaired it, like other boys did, then most likely the child will not have a craving for cars. Yes, he will like beautiful cars, but he will not see anything enthusiastic about tinkering under the hood for hours. Sometimes the opposite happens: the son does not adopt his father’s hobbies and begins to be interested in traditionally feminine activities: playing with dolls, fashion, beautiful clothes, hairstyles, etc. As a rule, fathers in such cases express indignation, because they realize that they cannot cope with their male functions.

In our society, it is generally accepted that the first years of a child’s life are taken care of exclusively by the mother. From birth, a woman is near the son, and only when the son grows up, and the father is interested in him, does a man appear in his life. This is an incorrect model, due to which the baby's manners will be subject to maternal influence.

When a little boy gets into society (kindergarten, sandbox, yard), it is difficult for him to decide how he should behave in a given situation. And what will he do if there is only his mother in his life? Naturally, the way she acts, or the way she says she should act. A mother will not wish bad things on her child, but it happens that it is some good intentions that can prevent a child from determining his behavior.

Based on this, the father must assume extremely important functions on his shoulders - introduce his son into the world around him, teach him the norms of behavior in society, explain how to respond to the challenges that society may throw at him. A father must help his son realize himself as a man. This is perhaps the main, but not the only function of a father in relation to raising a child.

Sexual education of son

No less important is the responsibility that falls on the father. It is the father who is the son’s first source of information about the relationship between a man and a woman. By watching how dad behaves with mom, the baby gets his first experience of how to treat a woman. At first, the father acts as a role model, sometimes the son can even copy his behavior. And if adults tell a child that girls should not be offended, he simply will not understand why, because dad does this.

From 3 to 5 years old, the baby may view his father as his rival. At this stage of his life, his mother’s love is more important to him than ever, which his father also claims. This behavior is called the Oedipus complex, which psychologists consider an important stage in the psychosexual development of a child. This is natural, there is nothing wrong with such behavior from my son. But often dads do not delve into the intricacies of the psychological development of their children, and such behavior of their child leads them into a dead end.

When fighting with dad for mom’s love, a son can use any methods, from expressing a desire to constantly be with his mom, right down to. In the latter case, dads simply do not understand what happened to their previously obedient child? There is no need to dramatize and force events, because by the age of 5-6 years a boy’s complex disappears and in its place a stable model of behavior with the opposite sex is formed, and dad becomes an object to follow.

But it is important to understand that the successful destruction of the Oedipus complex can only occur if the father takes an active part in raising his son. If at this stage of life the father is not in the child’s life or he simply ignores the baby, then this can disorient the child sexually and create a lot of problems in future sexual life.

How to gain your son's trust?

To gain the trust of his son, the father needs to work hard. Trust in dad is formed from an early age. It is this that is considered the core on which the values ​​of the male education system will be strung. If there is no trust between dad and child, then the son will perceive all the father’s conversations as moral teachings, which will be of little use.

As a rule, if a father takes an active part in raising a child from childhood, then no problems with trust should arise. It is formed automatically, thanks to a close emotional connection. Dad may not even notice that over time he begins to understand much better what his baby wants and what he needs. This is a solid basis for further relationships. The father plays the main role in this process, because his behavior can provoke the emergence of a barrier of misunderstanding between him and the child.

The baby must be sure that his dad will always support and understand him. Naturally, mom should do this too, but the support of mom and dad is significantly different. Mother's care is meant to be compassionate, and father's is to evaluate the problem and offer a solution. This is how it works physiologically. Dad can achieve such an attitude towards himself only by constantly showing interest in his son’s affairs, his mood, well-being, etc.

It is important for a father to communicate with his son, although children's problems may not be interesting to him.

A clear sign that a son trusts his dad is his desire to tell his father about how his day in kindergarten went. For an adult this does not carry any special value, but for a child this is a grandiose event. If dad brushes him off once or twice, then there may not be a third time. What for? He will understand that the father is not interested, and most likely the baby will find another interlocutor, or, even worse, will withdraw into himself.

Sometimes another model of behavior may develop when the child himself does not show a desire to share his impressions. Firstly, such behavior may indicate character traits. A phlegmatic person will never strive to be paid attention to and listened to. Secondly, for some reason the child has the wrong impression that events in kindergarten are uninteresting and there is no point in talking about them. Then the child does not need to be left to his own devices, the father must create such an atmosphere so that the son has a desire to talk about everything that is happening. This approach will help build trust between father and son.

How to play with your son?

They start with the usual “Ladushka” and “The horned goat is coming.” As a rule, dad does not take part in finger games, considering them not interesting. This is wrong, because thanks to simple games the boy develops contacts with the outside world. If dad is not in them, it means that he is distant, a stranger. When dad plays with the baby from birth, the son gets used to his voice, facial expressions, and gestures. He becomes like family to the child.

The division of toys into toys for girls and boys begins from the second year of life. There is a group of universal ones, but for a boy, buying a typewriter is considered an important acquisition. There is an active component to games played together with dad. Rarely does a father read a book with his son. As a rule, they run, fuss, make noise and scream. This stimulates the baby’s physical development, which is extremely important for a man. Sometimes dad may even resort to the use of force elements (wrestling and various techniques of self-defense and attack).

Another important difference between men's games is the presence of a competitive spirit. From an early age, the baby competes with his dad (who can run faster, which one is stronger), trying to win. This is what is very important from a psychological point of view. During the competition, the child tests himself and his qualities with the same representative of his gender. The desire to win is also important, because everything taken together allows the child to prepare for life in the male subculture.

Naturally, it is almost impossible to defeat dad, so a man must remember this. You should not give in openly, as this can only offend the child. It is important that the father manages to concede after a difficult and stubborn struggle, then the child’s joy will know no bounds that he got a victory over such a strong opponent.

The role of the father in raising a boy is as important as. The baby should receive both female and male attention. If parents doubt their competence, then it makes sense to consult with a psychologist on how to raise their son.

In manifestations of parental love, fathers differ from mothers. In most cases, a mother loves her child unconsciously, her love seems to be genetically programmed. A father's love is always objective. The father traditionally connects his love with the successes and achievements of the child. Thus, literally from the first years of life, the father demonstrates and instills in the child a value-based attitude towards himself, towards the world, and towards the life situation. This is especially evident in the process of raising a boy. By introducing his son to the system of values, the father introduces him to the world of social relations, where a person’s assessment of himself, his successes and achievements is largely formed under the influence of the assessments of others. In fact, based on an evaluative approach to his son, his opinions, decisions, actions, the father consciously or unconsciously teaches the boy to see himself and his actions from the outside, correlating them with a certain system of social assessments, with the criteria for the acceptability of certain actions in a particular situations. It is no coincidence that in everyday consciousness there is a system of double standards in relation to the behavior of boys and girls. Often, not only from his father, but also from his mother, a boy hears: “Be a man!”, “Well, why did you cry like a girl!”, “Be patient, you’re a man!”, “Look at dad!” etc. Thus, almost from the first days of life, the child begins to assimilate a set of certain social standards that the boy must meet.

The mention of the father in this context is not accidental, because it is the father who introduces his son into the world of social relations. With his behavior, his attitude towards the world and towards the people around him, the father provides his son with an initial model and for a long time, perhaps his son’s entire life, is a direct example for him to follow. The relationship between a son and his father, no matter what areas they concern and no matter what form they appear in, is always socially oriented. This desire to adapt the boy to the wider world is even more clearly manifested in direct communication between father and son. Conversations between father and son, joint games and hobbies - all this has a clear social connotation. In all forms of communication, the father, based on his experience, teaches his son to act effectively in certain life situations, and to act as a man should, in accordance with accepted norms of behavior. This process of learning to live is diverse and multifaceted. It includes the development of self-control skills, the ability to interact with people, applied skills associated with performing practical actions (using tools and various housework, repairing technical devices, etc.), specific “male” hobbies (hunting, fishing, visiting sports competitions).

Such educational influences shape the boy as a representative of the male subculture, give him knowledge about the distribution of roles and responsibilities between the sexes, create the direction of his interests and ways of realizing them, consistent with generally accepted ideas about what a boy should be interested in and do. That is why most fathers have an extremely negative attitude towards their son’s manifestations of inappropriate, from their point of view, games, hobbies and interests: playing with dolls, using female images in role-playing games, closely following fashion, increased interest in one’s own appearance, etc. . Fathers may also be irritated by their son’s lack of interest in technology, crafts, etc. Such negative emotions are quite understandable: in this situation, the father, at some subconscious level, feels that he is not coping with the function that he must perform - to prepare his son for life in a society where the parameters of a man’s perception are predetermined.

That is why from the earliest years of the child the father must participate in the process of his upbringing. In ordinary consciousness, there is an opinion that in early childhood the child belongs entirely to the mother, and the father begins to raise the already grown-up baby. This approach is dangerous because the boy’s areas of interest and his behavior patterns will be overly susceptible to maternal influence. In the absence of the father's balancing educational influence, this can lead to socially undesirable deformations of the child's interests, hobbies and behavior. Only under the direct guidance of his father, seeing before him a clear example of a male approach to solving life's problems, will a boy be able to develop and realize himself as a man - in accordance with the expectations of society.

The inculcation of purely masculine forms of behavior occurs not only through teaching a child some skills or demonstrating to him a model of behavior, but also through the direct transmission of a system of life values ​​and outlook on life from father to son. A special role here is played by conversations between father and son on a wide range of problems - both universal, “philosophical” and those affecting the sphere of men’s interests (decision-making and actions in difficult life situations, organizing leisure time, attitudes towards the opposite sex, sex life, etc.). d.).

It is very difficult for a boy, a growing man, to decide on his own which model of action reflects masculine traits. In this case, the father sets the most effective example, in comparison with which or focusing on him, the son will determine his own behavior. In transmitting to his son the forms and methods of implementing masculine behavior, the father is obliged to take on the functions of a mediating link that would meet the requirements of society, on the one hand, and would correspond to the father’s personal ideas about the ideal of masculine behavior, on the other. This complex influence shapes the boy as a representative of the male community.

Thus, it is on the shoulders of the father that this difficult, responsible, but honorable duty is entrusted - to introduce his son into the world of social relations, to teach him to respond like a man to the challenges that life throws, to help him express and realize himself as a man. This is one of the main functions of a father in raising a boy - but not the only one.

Father as a model of relationships with the opposite sex and sexuality

Another extremely important function of the father is organizing the boy’s sexual education. For the son, the father is the primary source of, if not direct, then indirect information about gender relations. It is in the family, observing the relationship between father and mother, that the boy gains his first experience of relating to the opposite sex. The father here acts as a model of male behavior, which at first will be unconsciously copied by the son in almost all situations related to communication with the opposite sex.

At the age of 3 to 5 years, every little man experiences the so-called Oedipus complex - the desire to concentrate the love and attention of the mother on himself, while the father is seen as a rival in the fight for this love, which awakens negative emotions in the child towards him . This situation can be considered as one of the stages of a child’s psychosexual development, at which he, using the behavioral means available to him, first declares his gender and actively demonstrates it.

From a psychological point of view, there is nothing unnatural in this, but for many fathers this behavior of their son comes as an unexpected and unpleasant surprise. And this is understandable, because opposition to the father can take a variety of forms - from the desire to constantly be with the mother and limit her communication with the father to open manifestations of verbal and non-verbal aggression. This behavior of a son seems unreasonable and inexplicable to most fathers: an affectionate and obedient son suddenly becomes uncontrollable and aggressive. However, there is no point in overdramatizing events - all this is temporary. Usually, by the age of 5-6 years, the Oedipus complex is resolved through the formation of stable traits of gender-role behavior inherent in a man, and the acceptance of the father as the main object to be followed.

However, it should be noted that effective resolution of the Oedipus complex, as well as the normal development of sexual identification in general, is possible only with the active participation of the father in the boy’s life. The absence of a father as an example of male gender role behavior can have far-reaching consequences for a boy, ranging from problems establishing relationships with representatives of the opposite sex to sexual disorientation and sexual problems.

Is a father really that important?

To summarize, we can conclude that the roles and functions of the father in raising a boy come down to two main responsibilities that are extremely important for his (the boy’s) future life.

• The father introduces the child to the world of social relations, teaches him to adequately perceive and evaluate himself and others, and contributes to the formation of his son as a representative of the male subculture. All this determines the boy’s personal and social development.
• The father helps his son understand himself as a man, which predetermines the boy’s normal mental development and prevents problems in the area of ​​gender relations.

A man’s non-participation in performing these most important functions can be a source of a wide variety of problems in a boy’s life:

• he can become an outcast among his peers, acquiring the label of “mama’s boy,” only because he did not have before his eyes an example of masculine behavior, a masculine way of solving life’s problems;
• a boy may become the subject of ridicule due to ignorance of any realities of the male subculture;
• his communication with representatives of the opposite sex can also be burdened by a large number of problems due to the inability to make contacts and build a system of relationships.

The roots of all these difficulties usually lie in the fact that at appropriate moments in the development of his son, the father did not pay the necessary attention to his upbringing, considered a simple sincere conversation with his son unnecessary, or, as most often happens, there was simply not enough time for this. In the modern world, fathers of families often see their duty as ensuring the material well-being of the family - and this in no way can be considered incorrect. The problem is that the father’s role in the family, especially in raising a boy, is not limited to this. The lack of material resources is perceived very painfully, but the lack of paternal upbringing can simply have catastrophic consequences for the boy’s future life. That is why, despite all the difficulties and adversities, a loving father must remember that the happiness of his son depends not so much on the material resources that the father invested in his child, but on how effectively he, the father, coped with his educational functions.

About trust and mutual understanding between father and son

Trust is built from an early age. For the relationship between father and son, trust is the cornerstone on which the entire system of raising a man is built and on which the successful outcome of this process depends.

Trust and mutual understanding in the relationship between father and son are established from an early age. If the father, from the first days of the child’s life, takes an active part in caring for him, playing with him and talking to him, this creates an important psychological connection between them. The father, perhaps without even noticing it, begins to understand his child, his desires and needs, better and better. All this creates a solid basis for the development of mutual understanding between father and son in the future. Mutual understanding, in turn, is a prerequisite for the formation of trusting relationships. The initiator and source of trust here is the father. It is his actions that prevent the emergence of a barrier of misunderstanding and coldness.

From a very early age, a boy needs to be sure that his father is a person who can understand him and help him, and this ability to understand is not similar to that shown by his mother; it is based not on a desire to pity, but on a male assessment of the problem and ways to solve it. And a father can achieve such confidence in his son only through demonstrating his attitude. Sincere interest in the affairs and experiences of the son, in his opinions and hobbies, conversations on a wide variety of topics - these are the simple techniques that create special warmth and mutual understanding in the relationship between father and son. And the fruit of these efforts will be the son's trust in his father - like the blossoming of a flower bud in response to his care.

Sometimes another situation can be observed - the baby does not demonstrate a clear need to share with anyone his experiences, stories about events in his life, etc. Perhaps this is explained by the psychological characteristics of the child - if the boy has a phlegmatic temperament, then he will not strongly strive to be noticed, listened to, etc. But another explanation is also possible: for some reason the child has the wrong impression about the insignificance of the events that happen to him, about the absence of the need to tell others about them people, and then the boy will also not be inclined to talk. In these cases, it is worth not leaving the child to his own devices, but carefully, unobtrusively creating an atmosphere that would contribute to his self-disclosure. You can start a conversation with your child not with a direct question, but with a story about some incident or event, perhaps not even related to what you would like to talk about. This technique will prepare the ground for continued communication, during which it will be possible to discuss the issue of interest to the parent.

The son has matured. How to maintain trust?

Regardless of who initiates communication - the son or the father, it is necessary in order not to interrupt the connecting thread that arises between father and son from early childhood. And if trust at this age is not yet colored by the specifics of male or female communication, but simply serves as a sign of a sincere and positive relationship between son and father, then in the future trust will play a decisive role in the transmission and perception of information about the characteristics of the male subculture.

Such trust and mutual understanding become important during adolescence. Communication among teenagers is of a specific nature, which is manifested in the topics discussed, the degree of openness of communication, etc. Typically, teenage boys are very secretive and are not inclined to share their experiences with anyone at all, and even more so they are not ready to talk with their parents about those questions that really interest them - about friendship, love, sexual relations. It is rare to find families in which complete trust is maintained between parents and teenage son. Even less often, a father is chosen as an object of trust, a person to whom one can tell the most secret things.

As our studies of the formation of trusting relationships in adolescence have shown, topics such as personal secrets, friendship and love, committed offenses, at the age of 11-12 years are discussed mainly with the mother, or with no one at all, and already from the age of 13 the main objects Friends and girlfriends become trustworthy, while parents fade into the background. Thus, as the child grows up, trust and mutual understanding with parents, if not completely lost, are significantly reduced. This happens partly for reasons related to the psychological characteristics of the teenager - the desire to be or seem independent in adolescence often takes on exaggerated forms, and therefore the teenager is inclined to reject any, even reasonable, advice from his parents and not perceive them not only as authorities, but also generally as people you can trust. But to some extent, the parents themselves are to blame for the loss of trust, being indifferent to the teenager’s problems, ignoring his opinion, etc.

However, maintaining a kind, understanding, trusting relationship between parents and a teenage child is by no means an unattainable ideal. Perhaps some cooling will still occur due to the already mentioned changes in the teenager’s self-perception. But firstly, this is not a generally binding rule, and secondly, it is within the power of parents to prevent misunderstanding and mistrust from deepening. The recipe here is simple - you need to respect the teenager not in words, but in deeds, listen and take into account his opinion, and not try to solve his problems for him and against his wishes. Mutual trust between father and son is important for several reasons. Firstly, only under this condition can they discuss very personal, purely masculine topics, for example, the changes that occur in a teenager’s body during puberty. Not trusting his father, the boy is unlikely to turn to him with such questions. A father's distrust of his son may manifest itself in the fact that he will not be ready to talk frankly with his son on these topics, even if he turns to him for clarification. Secondly, trust is necessary so that the son does not perceive with skepticism what his father tells him. By trusting his father's advice, based on life experience, the son will be able to avoid many mistakes and disappointments in his own life. However, here too the reciprocal trust on the part of the father is essential - only by truly trusting his son can the father allow him to independently determine his own destiny. Such a step requires the father to be determined to give his son this right, including the right to make a mistake. Taking this step is not easy, because this is not a formal removal from the son’s problems, but a sincere recognition that the son has already become an adult (this is not easy for parents) and no longer needs the guardianship and control of his father.

Yes, exactly Through the manifestation of parental trust, the boy enters the world of adults and enters into his own independent life. It starts with little things - the father allows his son to do something on his own, without controlling him, “without standing over his soul.” This small step opens the way to the future, the completion of which for the son will be his ability to make decisions independently, set goals and plan ways to achieve them, i.e. acquisition of the entire complex of qualities necessary for a man. And without the trust of his father, the development of independence in a boy is impossible. Male infantilism is nothing more than a habit of lack of independence, of shifting responsibility to others, generated by a lack of trust on the part of parents. That is why the expression of trust is important not only for the son - by doing this he shows filial respect for his father, but also for the father - after all, his trust in his son is one of the key means of developing truly masculine qualities.

Men's joys: joint games and hobbies

Games with a child begin from the very first months of his life. First, these are various finger games - “White-sided Magpie”, “Ladushki”; games with rattles, etc. The father usually does not take part in such games, leaving these fun and entertainment to the mother. But this position is absolutely wrong. In these simple games, but extremely necessary for a child’s development, difficult work is done to establish contacts between the child and the outside world. And the absence of the father in these games leads to the fact that the child begins to perceive him as something distant, incomprehensible, alien. By playing and communicating, father and son begin to build their relationship. The child gets used to the timbre of his father’s voice, his appearance, and actions. The father, for his part, learns to understand his child and his needs, expressed through facial expressions, babble, etc. This is how the game creates the basis for future mutual understanding between father and child. We are not talking about a son or daughter yet, because in the first months of a child’s life, there is no need to differentiate games and communication with him by gender. Even toys bought by parents for a child of the first year of life do not have any strict division by gender - they are universal: rattles, balls, soft toys, etc. are equally used in games by both boys and girls.

How to play with a boy?

But in the second year of a child’s life the situation changes dramatically. The choice of toys is already clearly determined by the gender of the child. And although a certain universalism of toys is still present - soft toys, pyramids, cubes are still purchased for both boys and girls, but otherwise the toys bought for a son or daughter are beginning to differ more and more. For a boy, such a milestone acquisition is most often a toy car, and for a girl, a doll. This is how, from about the age of one, separate games for girls and boys appear. And it is natural that here, in boys’ games, the father takes a more active part.

What are these games?

They necessarily contain a focus on the development of certain properties and qualities inherent in men and most in demand in the life situations that men face. That's why Joint games between father and son have a number of fairly clearly identifiable features. First of all, they necessarily have an active motor component. Joint games between father and son are most often noisy fussing and running around. Hide and seek, blind man's buff, catch-up - these are typical examples of such games. They stimulate the physical development necessary in becoming a man. Often in such games there are elements of forceful confrontation: various types of wrestling, practicing techniques of physical influence and counteraction, etc. So, in the game, the father gives his son lessons in psychological and physical preparation for possible options for sorting out relationships that the boy may encounter in the future.

However, the initiative in organizing games of this kind comes not only from the father. The son can also start similar entertainment. It must be said that the popularity of such games gradually increases, starting from about 4 - 5 years of age, and reaches its apogee by 7 - 8 years. This is not accidental - it is during this age period that the process of a boy’s sexual self-identification and active self-affirmation as a representative of the male half of humanity occurs. This explains the need for forceful confrontations with the father, which make a significant contribution to such self-affirmation. The skills and abilities acquired in games with the father are subsequently transferred to a new environment, and the process of self-affirmation begins anew among peers.

Another characteristic of men's games is their clearly competitive nature. From the first years of a boy’s life, in his games with his father there is an element of comparison: who is stronger, faster, more accurate, etc. That is why in almost any game there are certain signs by which victory is determined. Achieving victory is the simplest and most effective way to find out which of the participants in the game turned out to be the strongest, dexterous, skillful, etc. The competitiveness of games between father and son has considerable psychological significance. Firstly, it can be regarded as the son’s unconscious desire to test himself and his qualities in a situation of competition with another male representative, who is the father. Secondly, this is the desire to feel like a winner, a person capable of significant efforts to achieve a goal. Thirdly, this is again a stimulation of the boy’s physical and mental development, the catalyst of which is precisely competition, comparing oneself with others. All this together allows the boy to prepare for an independent life within the male subculture, because competition is one of the main characteristics of male communication.

Naturally, in competition with his father, the boy has a rather slim chance of winning. However, in the game, the father must remember that the feeling of victory is necessary for his son. This in no way means that the father should constantly give in to his son; on the contrary, an easy victory, and even more so the revelation of an obvious concession on the part of the father, can lead to disappointment and resentment. And the older the son, the more offensive these giveaways will be for him. But at the same time, sometimes a father should give in to his son. This should not be an obvious, feigned concession - for the full feeling of victory, the concession must occur after a stubborn struggle. And how joyful it will be for the son to know that he was able to defeat a strong and dexterous opponent! From a psychological point of view, this feeling of victory is very important for the development of a man and the formation of his self-esteem.

Adult games

As the son grows up, his games with his father gradually lose their childishness and approach the games that adults play. In communication between father and son, sports (football, volleyball) and intellectual and logical games (card games, dominoes, etc.) occupy an increasingly important place. These games, accepted among men, replace those played by the father and his little son. Fighting (or rather, a violent confrontation with his father), playing with cars and toy soldiers lose their attractiveness for the growing son, becoming for him symbols of childhood, unacceptable for the already “adult” boy that he considers himself to be. However, the desire to play does not disappear. And those tasks that were solved in children's games, at the next age stage, starting from 9-10 years, are realized with the help of other games traditionally accepted in the male community. In addition to the already mentioned functions of the game related to the development of masculine qualities, these games contain another important element - they serve as a tool for introducing the boy into the world of male relationships, into the world of male subculture.

Thus, in pre-teenage and adolescence, the games of father and son will already have a clearly oriented social orientation, introducing the boy to male forms of entertainment. And probably, the beginning and middle of adolescence, i.e. 10-12 years, will be the last age period when joint games are still present in communication between father and son. After this, games themselves gradually become an infrequent pastime (with the possible exception of computer games), and mostly peers are chosen as play partners. We can say that by this age the joint games of father and son had fulfilled their purpose. The boy already has experience of competition and interaction in the game, he knows the rules of behavior in such “male” games, etc. Therefore, “the Moor has done his job, the Moor can leave” - in adolescence, the games of father and son really lose their meaning and significance as preparation for the boy’s independent life, because this independent life and communication in a male environment has already begun.

Men's hobbies

Father-son games disappear during adolescence, but this does not mean that father and son spend time together and have fun together. There remains a vast area of ​​communication between father and son, related to common affairs and hobbies. The development of this area goes in parallel with the development of cooperative games. Their tasks completely coincide - this is preparation for independent life and introduction to the male subculture. It is unlikely that a father will teach his son embroidery or initiate a joint clothing shopping trip - these entertainment options do not belong to the traditional sphere of male interests. But learning how to repair equipment, driving cars and motorcycles, or, for example, attending a football competition - these hobbies are considered masculine.

The world of men's hobbies and entertainment is very diverse, even simply listing them takes up quite a lot of space - this includes the repair and design of any technical devices, active sports, and men's hobbies: hunting, fishing, “cheering” for sports teams, various sports modeling, etc. By introducing his son into the world of these hobbies, the father thereby contributes to his self-determination as a man and determines the formation of his horizons according to the male type. This is how the problem of adapting the son to a male environment is solved. After all, it is these hobbies that are most likely to become the subject of discussion among boys of the same age. Possession of knowledge and skills in traditionally male fields of activity significantly increases a boy’s authority and his social status among his peers. This is how, through introducing his son to the values ​​of the male subculture, the father influences his perception by peers and adult men.

A boy’s attitude towards male hobbies plays the role of a “friend/foe” indicator for those around him. If a boy is interested in male activities and succeeds in this, then, from the point of view of the male community, he may well be recognized as “one of his own”; if his interests and hobbies differ from those traditionally accepted in a male environment, then representatives of the male community will treat him with suspicion. The father is charged by society with the responsibility of introducing his son to the world of male hobbies in order to facilitate his subsequent adaptation to the male community. However, there is another, perhaps not so noticeable, but no less important function of the joint hobbies of father and son. In joint hobbies, interpersonal ties between son and father are strengthened. It is known that common activities bring people together. And the hobbies in which both father and son take part play the same role. Time spent doing your favorite activities creates a favorable atmosphere for making contacts and encourages communication. Thus, joint hobbies strengthen trust and mutual understanding between father and son and create a sense of community and involvement in each other's successes.

Regret cannot be punished: severity and cruelty in paternal upbringing

Typically, paternal punishments are more severe and longer than maternal ones; the father is less likely to make concessions or soften the decisions made on punishment. This, by the way, reveals both less psychological flexibility and greater conservatism inherent in fathers. However, paradoxically, such methods of influence from the father are perceived by the sons more loyally than if they came from the mother. Perhaps, on some intuitive level, boys understand the need for such punishments. A boy needs his father's strictness - this is how he receives his first lessons in interacting with the male community, where laws that are not burdened by excessive humanity often rule. Therefore, the severity of paternal punishments is justified. However, here it is important to separate the severity, harshness of educational influences and cruelty.

Maybe, The main difference between harshness in punishment and cruelty will be respect for the son’s personality. Punishment associated with humiliation of the individual will never achieve an educational goal, will never lead to a positive result and cannot be justified in any way. After all, such punishment is simply a mockery. In this sense, even physical punishment carried out without humiliation will have a greater positive effect compared to any bilious ridicule of the son.

Video from Yana Happiness: interview with psychology professor N.I. Kozlov

Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be to get married successfully? How many times do men get married? Why are there not enough normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A fairy tale that could not have happened better. Payment for the opportunity to be near a beautiful woman.

I greet all parents who are wondering what the role of a father is in raising his son. Maternal and paternal influence on children in the family is different - this is an undoubted fact. This is especially pronounced if there are children of different sexes. Becoming a father is not limited to a physiological function. His role carries a significant educational burden, which is fundamentally different from the educational methods of the mother.

1. Dad in a boy's life
2. Social masculine norms
3. As an example of relationships with the opposite sex
4. Other spheres of influence of the father
5. If a mother raises a boy herself

Your cozy nest has been replenished with a new little person. You feed him, put him to bed, walk him, bathe him - these actions are done meaningfully and logically. We, parents, are obliged to observe them, regardless of our desires. The child grows up, and we play with him when it is necessary for his development, regardless of our desire. We are with him constantly, especially in the first years of his life.

Children are a challenging daily activity to develop and care for. They change every day, especially when they are small. Changes are visible both physically and psychologically. Even when they become adults they remain the subject of our thoughts and experiences. Today we will talk about the irreplaceable role of a father in a boy’s life.

When a man receives the news that he will become a father, his emotions run the gamut. Here is the joyful anticipation of the birth of a child, thoughts about his future. At the same time, the man is worried about how he will cope with the functions of a caring father. In addition, there may be a fear of responsibility and resistance to changes in one’s established life. After the birth of the baby, life certainly changes. So what is the role of dad in raising a boy?

The personality of the parent plays a significant role here. Often a man sees an opportunity in his son to realize unrealized plans, ideas, and possibilities. Many successful dads, personally and professionally, hope to pass on their experience to inheritance. Boys are seen as bearers of family traditions, as continuers of the family line.

The social role of the father in raising his son

Social relationships between men and women are different. Therefore, it is important that the father’s role in raising his son is significant in this area. Boys, more than girls, try to be like their fathers, so what kind of behavior dad has with people is important - it is he who gives the child the first examples of male social communication.

In games and conversations, the parent indirectly teaches the boy how to get out of certain life situations. And the main thing is to act like a man. Teaches you to control your emotions, use construction tools, and drive a car. In addition, he shows the child male hobbies: sports competitions, fishing, video games, comics.

Wanting to cultivate masculinity in their son, most fathers do not like the behavior of boys that is inherent in girls, for example, a passion for ballet. Also, dad can be annoyed if the boy is not interested in technology or has no interest in male sports. These emotions are understandable. Without realizing it, the parent worries if he is properly preparing him for life in society. After all, there is already an established opinion about what a man should be. Therefore, it is important to include the father’s functions in the social education of his son from his birth, so that there is no excessive female influence.

In conversations and discussions, the parent tells the child:

• How to make decisions;
• how to act in difficult situations;
• about attitudes towards the opposite sex;
• about sex life.

And here it is important to understand that dad, preparing the boy for an independent future, conveys to him his individual life experience. He shapes not just his son’s masculine behavior, but a certain type of him, which he considers the ideal. This is what explains that a society with accepted standards of male behavior has many variations.

In addition, the father is responsible for the psychological preparation of his son for life according to the rules and principles of the male community. Maternal love for a child, as a program written in each of us, turns on, if not with the beginning of pregnancy, then immediately after childbirth. But dad’s love is always reduced to evaluating his successes and achievements. Consciously or not, the parent allows the boy to see himself and his actions from the outside, to evaluate his actions on a social scale. The boy cultivates an attitude towards a man, evaluates the adequacy of his abilities and capabilities in the society of his peers. For men, motives for achieving success, self-realization and self-confidence are important.

Thus, the main role of the father in raising a boy is to adapt him to social relationships. Teach how to react like a man to any, even the most difficult life situations.

Father – model of sexual role orientation

Another important role of the father in raising a child is to become his guide to the world of intersexual relations. It is at home, watching his parents, that the boy receives an example of the relationship between a man and a woman. This model of behavior will be embodied by the son while communicating with girls - this happens unconsciously.

It is important to know! Psychoanalysts say that the age of boys from 3 to 5 years is accompanied by the so-called Oedipus complex. He expresses his desire to receive all the love and attention of his mother. During this period, the child may see the father as a rival. Which can cause negative emotions towards him and even aggression.

This is the first stage when the baby, as best he can, shows that he is male. But if psychologists treat this absolutely naturally, then most dads see such behavior as terrifying. Well, think for yourself, your beloved son becomes a tyrant, he wants to be with his mother all the time, and in some cases he drives his father away.

1. Mom is always there and shows maximum love. That is, there is no need to seek her attention using extraordinary methods.
2. Dad is at work late and his son misses him very much. And when he returns, they both go to play in the children's room without me. That is, the father spends time with his son in games.
3. It is not customary for my husband and I to express tender feelings for each other in front of anyone. While we both show them to a child. That is, there are few reasons for the baby to be jealous.

It is also necessary to clarify here that a little man can only survive this Oedipus complex if he lives together with his father. If you nevertheless encounter this manifestation, then treat it with understanding. In no case should you make fun of, challenge or ignore your baby. By the age of 6, everything returns to normal and the boy will form a clear affiliation with the male subculture. And the father will remain the main role figure.

As he grows up, the father's role in raising his son begins to take on a substantive character. In conversations about the female sex, dad shares his thoughts, experiences, and advice. At the time of puberty, a teenager finds support and answers to his questions from his parent. Firstly, mothers are not always well versed in the physiological characteristics of the growing male body. Secondly, with a representative of the same sex, many points are discussed with the greatest confidence.

A caring father mentally prepares a teenager for sexual life, and later for creating his own family. Not only the physiological changes of a young body are discussed, but also how to protect yourself from sexually transmitted diseases and hygiene - which is not unimportant for teenagers. An educational effect will be achieved if dad is not in a hurry to give information to a child who is not interested in these issues. The other extreme is that the main thing is not to miss the moment.

In the modern world, men have to make every effort to provide for their family. Of course, it is not easy to be in a difficult financial situation. But dads must understand that this is not their only function. In addition to providing, they are required to have a sincere interest in their sons throughout their lives. Only through constant interest in the child will the father be able to raise him into a real man.

Paternal influence in other areas

Physical development. It is so inherent in nature and the perception of society that men should be distinguished by strength, dexterity, willpower, and the ability to physically protect themselves and the weaker sex. Therefore, it is the father who takes the initiative in the physical development of his son. Of course, every parent wants to see their child healthy and physically developed. But it is dads who organize games of catch, pillow fights, and wrestling from early childhood. While mothers are more worried that the child does not fall or get hurt, the father gives the opportunity to move as much as possible. At the same time, he is nearby and supports you at the right time.

As the boy grows up, dad plans classes for him in the section, based on his own beliefs about the ideal. That is, those physical qualities that a real man should have in his opinion. Typically, fathers become avid fans of their sons. They take their losses seriously, one might even say more than the child himself. And this is understandable, since the parent feels helpless to help in the situation and fears his own failure as a teacher, in this case in physical training. If victory is won, then dad will perceive it as his own.

Dear readers, we are talking about the father model, which is generally accepted throughout the world by psychologists and society. But not all dads are athletic. In our family, for example, knowing that my husband, apart from making a decision on the section, would not develop his son’s physical qualities, I took on this role. This refers to the first years of a child’s life, before the possibility of entering a section with a male coach. You can read about our activities and development in separate articles. In other areas of my father’s influence, I try to adhere to the following position: if in some ways I am stronger than my husband, then in order to maintain balance, I need to become more feminine in this and leave the first line to the man.

Development of intelligence. The role of the father in raising his son in this area is no less than that of the mother. Mothers usually teach children to read, write, do math calculations, and help with homework. While dads develop a worldview and teach how to solve issues in ways typical for men. They talk about the specifics of their work, how to use and repair household appliances, how to make repairs in the house or make something useful with their own hands.

Fathers tend to raise the bar for boys’ understanding, so in most cases they speak to them in an adult language, without relying on age. In the case of girls, on the contrary, they try to explain everything in detail. If dad sees that his son does not assimilate the information given to him, he may become irritated or lose interest in the child’s education. But if a parent tries to return to the topic at an appropriate age or explain more clearly, he will soon be able to assess the development of his offspring’s thinking.

Men broaden boys' horizons with conversations about peace. But they are not limited to this at all. Even more training is carried out in practical actions, when the father shows how it is done and gives the opportunity to try to do it yourself. So dad can ask to put up a tent, repair or make something. In a similar way, he develops knowledge and practical skills in his son.

Control of emotions. This is another aspect of a boy's development in which dad plays a direct role. Over the course of centuries, a certain attitude in society towards the behavior of men has developed. Ideally, a man should be restrained in emotions, courageous, laconic, and persistent in achieving his goal. Therefore, from early childhood, a baby can hear “Don’t cry, you’re a man,” “Don’t be afraid,” “Make an effort.” While girls' violent emotions are considered normal, boys are taught to control them.

It is the father who, through his own experience and demanding similar behavior from the child, teaches his son external self-control. Mothers are of course more emotional. In addition, it is believed that there is an inextricable emotional connection between mother and child in the first three years. If the baby cries, then the mother finds no place for herself, and vice versa, if the mother laughs, then the baby is also cheerful. But if the mother is genetically programmed to love her child, then the father must realize his role and cultivate a sense of fatherhood. And the degree to which he succeeds will depend on his attitude towards the child, and as a result, his influence on the boy’s emotional development.

The Pope can, of course, ignore public opinion to some extent. But here it must be taken into account that the boy still must find his place in society, and a large deviation from the norm can cause great difficulties in his life. You also need to understand that the goal is not to make the child fearless and not understand the level of danger. Namely, to help him learn to assess the consequences and the need for risk, to overcome his own fear in the right cases.

So, we see that the role of the father in raising his son is irreplaceable. And if, while reading, you thought about the weak qualities in your husband’s character, then let’s be frank - a woman is also responsible for choosing a dad for her child. So it's simply unfair to throw accusations at him. And most importantly, you don’t need to take on the role of a man in the family. Only maintaining a balance between the masculine and feminine principles will allow both girls and boys to organically integrate into our complex bisexual world. In such cases, it is the woman who will have to work on herself so that the child’s father remains a symbol of strength for him.

If a boy is raised without a father

But there are situations that cannot be changed and it would be wrong to give only an ideal picture. Every boy needs a masculine ideal, following which he will shape his own behavior. The child will still choose him and your task is to surround the boy with decent male representatives. So what should a mother do if she is raising her son on her own?

1. Don't take on male and female roles at the same time. Remain a woman, only a mother: weak, loving, affectionate, feminine. By doing this you will teach your child to show sympathy for you, support, and help. In other words, you will help to acquire the qualities of a strong, confident man who knows how to be responsible for himself and for others, who can become a support for a woman.
2. Give your son the opportunity to communicate enough with men. This could be a grandfather, an uncle, a family friend, a coach, or your friend's husband. Any other male representative you trust.
3. Choose children's books and films to watch carefully. They should have male heroes worthy of emulation: knights, musketeers. Under no circumstances should you raise your son on melodrama.
4. In adolescence, you need to be able to “let go” of the boy from yourself. Express respect for his interests, give him the opportunity to make his own decisions. He should not rush between his beloved girl and his mother.

Dear readers, the topic I have touched on is not easy, but very important. In order for us to complain less that we come across fewer and fewer real men in life, we need to give them the opportunity to show their best qualities. And the men themselves fully play their role as fathers in raising their sons.

You may also be interested in:

Comments

Olga Bardina

June 8, 2016 at 05:07

Anna

June 9, 2016 at 00:52

Marina

June 9, 2016 at 07:08

Natalia

June 18, 2016 at 16:12

Natalia

September 3, 2016 at 01:48 pm

Alexei

September 12, 2016 at 11:16 am

Ksyushenka

September 15, 2016 at 10:30 am

Svetlana

September 23, 2016 at 04:29

Victoria