I saw my ex with someone else - what should I do? About cupids and goddesses or why men quickly find replacements So you need to shift the focus of attention from your relationship to yourself, and take care of yourself, treating your mental wound

Good afternoon
It's simple - I don't want to live. Not because... there's something there. But I just don’t want to - that’s all.
Why this desire arose - I know. I don't see a future. Of course it exists. But not one in which a person could feel happy.
10 years ago I got married for great love. My husband was not just my first man (I kept my virginity), but also my first young man in general. I was just waiting for him. We lived in an apartment with his parents. We had a son - now he is just 10 years old.
Almost 3 years ago, my husband found another woman. I moved to her - from Moscow 150 km away.
It was a HORRIBLE blow. The WILD pain continues even now.
I don’t remember the first year after the divorce at all. He was erased from memory. I lay in bed for a year. And she cried. Loud at first. Then it's quiet.
The second year passed with the question of how to live on? I never found the answer.
I still live with his parents in his apartment. I have nowhere to go. And my parents-in-law won’t let me go anywhere because of my child – their beloved grandson. Even if a miracle happened and I was able to rent an apartment, as my mother-in-law said, “only over my corpse”...
That's why I'm surrounded by my husband's things around the clock. I remember some kind of story about every speck of dust in the apartment. All this puts pressure on the brain.
The bottom line:
- 3 years of terrible depression
- complete loneliness (there is no man and never will be; I have lost all my friends)

Anticipating questions, I’ll write right away:
1. I go to church. I confess and take communion. Therefore, I know about God’s providence. And I endure. After all, you somehow endured 3 years?...
2. I distract myself with work.
3. Found new hobbies - took up collecting and restoration.
4. The relationship with in-laws is not ideal (my mother-in-law told me several times that I am no one to her now, she has a new daughter-in-law, so for example, she will place photographs of her husband’s new passion wherever she wants). But in principle – not the worst. When their brain turns on, we live peacefully, truly like one family. They are afraid that I will leave and they will not see their grandson. Therefore, they are ready to tolerate the homelessness of their own son and my presence in their apartment. However, they are completely serious about having their grandson with them. Without letting him go, they won’t let me go either. I talked to them (I assume that you will offer me to do this too), and so did my ex-husband. But they are adamant - “do what you want, get married or divorced, but the grandson will live in this apartment, where he is registered.” Thus, I still won’t be able to leave the apartment, even if I have the opportunity (for example, winning a house in the lottery).
5. I can’t communicate with anyone. Therefore, the advice “you need to communicate more with others” will not work either. Work during the day, run home to the child in the evening. Because my mother-in-law also refuses to sit with him in the evenings (she’s not young anymore - it’s hard for her too). In addition, if they find out that I was late not because I was stuck at work, but because I went somewhere with someone, even to sit in a cafe, there will be a scandal that my own interests are more important than my child.
6. There are relatives. Mother. But they don't need me. Mom kicked me out.
7. There will never be a man for several reasons.
One is moral and ethical. I'm married.
The second is the lack of opportunity to even make at least some acquaintance. Even just friendly. By the way, when returning home you always have to turn off your phone. If I suddenly have to do it at work! - a “male voice” will call, again aggravating my mother-in-law’s dissatisfaction. I think it’s clear why. Therefore, all communication with other people is from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m.
8. I understand with my head that not wanting to live is complete stupidity and bliss. But loneliness does not disappear from this understanding. But I can’t talk only to the cat anymore... Although she is good, she won’t support you as a friend, and as a husband she won’t hug you at night.
9. My husband comes to us - to his house - 2-3 times a week. Overnight. In three years there wasn't even a week that I didn't see him. TERRIBLE PAIN!!! I don’t even have any chance to get my mind off him... But he doesn’t come to me. He arrives: 1) to his apartment; 2) to your child. And he won't come back. Therefore, already “there” he promised - as he once did to me - happiness and eternal love. And he understands that you can’t walk over your head all your life. Therefore, it will be with her.

That's all. This is my source data.
You can only change what depends on you. For example, hobbies. Before the grief that happened in my life, I wasn’t particularly interested in anything. And now I have a huge collection of antique lamps.
But how can you become happy with such “baggage” of constants - such as in-laws, living space, husband? And no longer want to live?

Sincerely,
Elena
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Elena, age: 31 / 07/15/2010

Responses:

Hello Elena! Well, what does it mean that the mother-in-law and father-in-law won’t give up the child? I do not understand this. Honestly.
You are mom! And you, not the mother-in-law, have all the rights to the child!
If money allows, rent an apartment and leave them! Go away! Taking your child with you!
They've built a real prison for you! And you, like an uncomplaining slave, endure everything. It’s also not possible!
Of course, from such a life all sorts of bad thoughts will creep into your head.
Take control of your life! Your mother-in-law is not your order! And they will be able to continue to see their grandson. You won't stop them. But you have the right to leave their home with your child.
Good luck to you!

But how can you become happy with such “baggage” of constants - such as in-laws, living space, husband? And no longer want to live?
And who told you that such “baggage” is unchanged?
I already have a second mother-in-law in my life. Second husband.
The living space is also different. I actually moved to another country! And you say constant baggage...
Believe in yourself and take your life into your own hands! Fight for yourself and your happiness!

Atlantica, age: 33 / 07/15/2010

Hello, Elena!
We feel for you. Thank you for visiting the forum, we will try to help.
I can’t decide for others, but I would never give the advice “try to distract yourself by drawing” in such a situation.
So, you proposed a scheme:
You are a hostage to the situation, a captive of your mother-in-law and father-in-law, as well as your own cliches.
Your father-in-law, mother-in-law, and your husband are independent, strong-willed, active people - and they commit actions without regard for you at all.
You accept this - you become depressed and consider your situation hopeless.
Indeed, with such a “alignment of forces” it is difficult to come to a different result.
If you go to church, confess and take communion, then you probably read books and think about God’s providence...
Or do you have only one answer: by sins?!
And if God’s providence prompts: “Lenochka, dear, you experienced betrayal, you believed and were deceived, but you only have Me, who will never betray or offend you.
I want good things for you, I want you to be happy"?!
To become happy, you first need to become free. This is not a fight against prejudice, not at all. No one is forcing you to go out and indulge in all sorts of bad things.
These are internal changes that will allow you to feel not like a stool that can be moved from corner to corner, but like a person - equal to everyone else.
You are not the owner of your child, God entrusted his soul to you so that you try to make him happy too. I'm not talking about your own soul, which is tormented only by this - belonging. You currently “belong” to the people you write about.
And also, regarding your husband, I’m not sure that, having once abandoned a woman with a child in her arms, he won’t do it again and again.
If he played a game “on two fronts,” as happens, and does not feel any remorse for you, but comes as if nothing had happened “to his home,” without noticing you (like a stool in the kitchen), then this says a lot.
About the fact that you should never say never, and also that you are treated exactly the way you feel.
I think I won’t tell you any secret if I say that the Church allows divorce and second marriage due to adultery of one of the spouses.

Dusya, age: 28 / 07/15/2010

Elena, you are so great! An intelligent and sensible woman, and you are also a mother and you have a child. It's difficult for me to advise you anything. I'm 20, I don't have a husband or a child yet. But still, if such a situation had arisen for me, I would have left my mother-in-law’s house (if there was such an opportunity). She has no right not to let go, but if she wants to see her, let her see you if you allow it. You can get married a second time. After all, it was your husband who left you and betrayed you, and not you him. You have the right to happiness, and your child to a new and happy family. The fact that you have found such a hobby is truly great! Well done (I'll try again). This is interesting and even if your lamps cannot give you advice, you still like spending time with them. So do it while you have the opportunity.
In conclusion, I would like to say that it happens that three years of life are lost. Three years knocked out of your life (it would seem like so much), but I believe that soon your life will change so much that these three years will be the thickest black streak in your life, and then white, white and again white will follow ! I wish you happiness!

Lola, age: 20 / 07/15/2010

Good afternoon or evening!
Elena, you should not live in this prison, it oppresses you!!! Move to a rented apartment if you can! And how can your father-in-law take your child away? You are his mother. Your baggage of unchangeables, excuse me, is not so unchangeable. There are no hopeless situations, there are unpleasant decisions that quarrels and scandals will bring you now, yes, you will spoil your nerves, but you will be free. The father has the right to see the child, he even has to. But you are not obligated to live with his family. And devote yourself to the memory of your relationship, as your mother-in-law believes, too. Burying yourself alive, turning off your phones, not communicating with anyone, constant reminders of the past... There is a lot to become depressed about.
And about your thoughts... You know, there was once a difficult time in my family, I was about as old as your child. And my mother decided to commit suicide, she lost her husband, did not want to live, then tried to throw herself out of the window, then ran out under cars... I saw all this, and I was doubly hurt. And from the loss, and from the fact that at the most difficult moment, my loved one, my mother, in a fit of pain and selfishness, forgot about me. And it’s a shame, it’s like a betrayal. Don't abandon your boy!! Do you think he doesn’t notice anything, he’s not in pain? How can he live if his father abandoned him, and then his mother? This is also an incredible pain for him. And a collapsed family, and quarrels, and an unhappy mother.
And he needs a happy one! Loving and caring!
Get out of the role of a victim of circumstances, take everything into your own hands. You can't give up, for the sake of yourself and your son.

Valeria, age: 22 / 07/16/2010

Lena! What are you really saying? Throw away your feelings - use your head and your knowledge. Moreover, as I see from the text, you are a very prudent woman.
“do what you want, get married or divorce, but the grandson will live in this apartment, where he is registered” - a minor child, no matter how much he wants, can only be registered with his parents (see the relevant legislation) or with one of them. During a divorce (if it has not yet been formalized), the child stays 99.9% with you - I leave 0.1% for the Caucasus (they have such customs). Therefore, if you ever have your own apartment, the child will be discharged and registered only with you.
You can get married again - read the new testament more carefully, by the way, they have already written in the responses why.
I understand that there are a whole bunch of idiots on the Internet, but you can find a man on the Internet. (That’s how I met my wife). It will be difficult to find time for meetings - but I think if we reveal all our cards to each other (let the man reveal his), then I think this issue can be resolved.
The fact that now everything in the apartment reminds of your ex-husband and he still appears regularly - then calm down and be philosophical about it - throw away your feelings and emotions.
It’s just that he promised you love then, but now he has forgotten about it and promised love to someone else - which means his promise is worthless. That madam understands this, and if she doesn’t understand, then in 5 years she will definitely understand it. And it very well may happen that he wants to return. (Of course, don’t hope for this, because by hoping you thereby strengthen your position in him as a “reserve airfield” for him, and this delays a possible return) In short, hold your head and tail up with a pistol!
Rise above all troubles! and your life will definitely improve!

Chameleon, age: 33 / 07/16/2010

What rights do your tyrants have? Well, it’s written down, so what. Find out. In the end, the Law is the boss of everything. Do you understand the Holy Scripture correctly? Icon lamps and restoration are good. However, if you told me that you were suffering from former sins or passions, I would believe it. And you are suffering from circumstances. By the way, musty circumstances just need to be changed... Love for your enemies (your tormentors ), not building an idol (to your husband) somehow you lose sight of everything. Why. A thousand moments in the commandments can bring you peace of mind. And you suffer. A Christian, ideally, can only be made to suffer by the memory of his sins. I’m not sure that in this situation, you can’t be happy. Or rather, you have to be unhappy. I’m very unsure. Look at your relationship with your husband, maybe there were some passions, in your heart, inside now they are burning you. And it’s difficult to forgive. I’m sure that’s so. Then around I have always had some kind of aggressors, you know how much benefit they brought me and friendship with them is valuable, special, blessed. By the way, they are inclined to it. You can become friends with them and should. You must understand them. There have always been difficult people. And then, Lena, in front of you there is a stone, you must technically get down to business, figure out why it is here (why it was given to you and needed, and how it personally touches you (!)) and secondly, remove it, under no circumstances avoid it. Here you need to technically (as they said in the cartoon) If you are a Christian, you need to work out this whole scheme. Why does Lena make all this make you unhappy? Talk to the priest.

Ekaterina, age: 26 / 07/16/2010

Elena, I don’t know what is right here from a spiritual point of view, but I only know that God is both loving and just, and in this case, I think He is on your side. You don't owe your ex-husband anything, because... It was not you who caused the breakup of the family, he left on his own, in fact there is no marriage due to the guilt of adultery, so you are free to enter into another marriage. And even more so, you don’t owe your ex-mother-in-law anything, and the fact that she is your son’s grandmother does not oblige you to live with her. If she wants to see her grandson, great, you don’t forbid her from doing so, but it doesn’t oblige you to be under her yoke. Rather than thinking about suicide, it is better to leave such a family. Your son needs you alive and mentally healthy. And your mother-in-law has no right to accuse you of selfishness or anything at all; first, let her take a closer look at herself, how she behaves towards you, and how she raised her son.
Talk to the priest, explain everything in great detail, he will help you somehow resolve this problem. And most importantly, pray to the Mother of God for help, protection and consolation, and ask Her to guide your paths. Different things happen - who knows, maybe your husband will return, or you will meet another person who will become your life partner. The main thing is, do not despair, and ask God for help, be patient a little more, and the Lord will give some kind of answer. You have already been to the relics of St. Matrona of Moscow? She helps people a lot, come to the Intercession Monastery to pray with your son - I think your mother-in-law will not prevent you from doing this.

sundirouse, age: 31/07/16/2010

Lenochka - in your situation, you should be very happy - you have a place to live, a job, you live in peace (always variable:) with your family, you have a son (and many single women dream of having at least a son. That's all would give it away). The most important thing is that you have faith in God and you participate in Church life.
So why aren't you happy?
Because there is despondency in the heart. Everything else - that you live with your father-in-law, that you don’t have a husband, etc. - these are all just external circumstances that could, given the appropriate quality (state) of the heart, be perceived joyfully. But it is precisely because of the state of your heart that you are not happy. So you need to change the state of your heart? Yes.
How's Lenochka? - you know yourself - this is still the same path as the saints - you open any life of the Saint - you compare it with your life - you outline solutions.
After all, Lenochka, as an Orthodox Christian, you know that GOD is All-Blessed - i.e. He is infinitely happy, and accordingly happy are all those who fully unite with him through a correct spiritual life. If you don’t have a feeling of happiness, it means there is no completeness of union, your church life is not sufficiently correct.
Here you, Lenochka (forgive me), for example, write - talk to the cat, why not Holy Mother of God? Won't you hug? Why doesn't the Lord hug us - just like he will - with his consolation.
But Helen, let the saints - the path is not easy, although the most correct and gracious. This path requires your many efforts, efforts, through sorrow.
I will pray for you - definitely - and you try too. I apologize if I offended you in any way - I sincerely hug and kiss you.

Svetlana, age: 28 / 07/16/2010

Hello, Elena!
Sorry, why did you create such hell for yourself?? For what?? unclear..
You say you work... does that mean you can rent at least some housing? Take the child in your arms and run away from them! Don’t tell anyone the address yet. Maybe later, when everything is more or less settled.
Get your husband out of your mind. Don’t take any of his things with you.
And start living! Make acquaintances, friends, and there you will meet a person with whom you may start a family. You are still young! Don't bury yourself ahead of time!
In general, take life into your own hands and don’t be afraid of anything!
Good luck to you!

Ulyana, age: 34 / 07/18/2010

Lena, still some advice... I don’t know, of course, but have you been talking to your mom for a long time? What do you mean you kicked me out, and where are you registered?.. think about it, call her.. after all, she’s your mother.. don’t sit still.. change the situation or you will disappear... think about your son... you have to fight - this is your test.

Alena, age: 22 / 07/19/2010

Thank you! THANK YOU so much to everyone who responded!!! Thank you for your support and kind words!
I read it and... cried...
I knew that you would advise me to leave this house. So both Atlantica and Valeria ask “What do you mean the fathers-in-law won’t give up the child?”
The fact is that no child has a grandmother like my son’s mother-in-law. It’s not just that she doesn’t let me leave the house. She just really, really, really loves her grandson. Yes, it’s probably selfish towards me...
But leaving this house means making the in-laws unhappy. And I know that they will be unhappy. That the mother-in-law will cry. Very much. That she will become depressed. That the pressure will rise. That again doctors are “fast” pills...
And I also know that you cannot build your own happiness on someone else’s misfortune. And if I, having waved at my husband’s parents “from a high hill” and stepped over their feelings, go to “build a new me,” nothing good will come of it. The tears of my parents-in-law - and there will be many of them - will simply wash away the foundation of my new life... And why do I need such “happiness” based on the suffering of others?
Dusya, you are infinitely right - I have a lot of stamps! For example, I cannot allow people to suffer because of me. I CAN’T and that’s all! “You can’t build happiness on someone else’s misfortune” - this is just one of these cliches. Biggest. I’ll hang myself, but just so as not to bring someone to tears.
Here's an example, my ex-husband. Now he lives with a new woman more than 150 km from the capital, and every day (!!!) he goes to Moscow to work by train! He gets up at 4 am, returns home at 10 pm... And this regime has been like this for 3 years. There's no face on it! Doesn't get enough sleep chronically. All green, red eyes, a walking corpse. It seems he can fall asleep even standing...
And all this is because of me! Because I live in HIS apartment. If I were suddenly gone (I died - that’s all), he and his new wife would come to HIS house and live happily. And so I’m getting in the way here... And I still won’t die...
Dear Dusya, can I ask you one question? Here you write: “To become happy, first of all you need to become free. This is not a fight against prejudice, not at all... These are internal changes that will allow you to feel not like a stool that can be moved from corner to corner, but as a person - equal to everyone else.”
How to do it? In my case - without hurting others?
Dear Sundirouse, thank you for your kind words! To St. I went to Matronushka and prayed. It became easier:) Just like after Holy Communion. But then time passes, and it “covers” again...
Alena, don’t even ask about your mother... She had a very hard life. And from grief, having no faith, she - how to put it mildly - went a little crazy... She is good to me, very good! But she’s not adequate... That’s why she kicked me out.
Dear Svetlana - You are absolutely right! This terrible sin of despondency is simply exhausting! I feel terribly ashamed of him. I’m even ashamed that I wrote a request to this site. There are so many people in the world who are in much worse living conditions than me. And for anyone, but for me, it’s simply shameful to be discouraged. I have a wonderful son, I have a job I love, I have hobbies. I have FAITH. And I constantly tell myself that everything will be fine. That since the Lord sends me such tests, it means I must pass them.
But every time I enter the house and see my husband’s old jacket on the hanger, it hits me. Walking into the bath - his towel. Walking into the kitchen - his mug. Stumbling over his slippers in the corridor, I begin to hate myself - “oh, finally, die already!” let the person return to his home and build a new happy life - don’t stand in the way!”
So I’m hanging out - and I can’t leave this apartment, and I can’t stay either...
And I don’t see any other way out other than what caused me to come to this site...
With huge gratitude to everyone!

Elena, age: 31 / 07/19/2010

Elena, hello.
I myself was in such a situation relatively recently. They told me to my face - you’d better die than do anything differently.
I was also told “you can’t build happiness on someone else’s misfortune” and other correct words.
Elena, I know what I’m writing about. This is not only my experience, but also the experience of many wise people who helped me in this difficult moment (thanks to them).
Elena, this is manipulation. This is a substitution of concepts. Elena, this is a human, senseless human sacrifice.
If we talk about Christianity and God, then Christ also said: your word will be yes - yes, and no - no. That is, He did not deprive us of the right to say no. He didn't want us to become camels. He wanted us to choose. So that our “yes” becomes conscious. we need to learn to say no. It's necessary. otherwise the “yes” will have no force.
There is no need to take revenge and quarrel with relatives. there is no need to hide the child from them. They will communicate and see each other. There is no need to divide life into black and white squares.
It will be better if you don’t exist, but if you don’t exist as you are now. You don’t see a way out because you are being asked to break stereotypes and become flexible and free (I repeat, not free “from”, but free “for”). But you write that it’s easier for you to die than to start changing. Read for yourself. This is fear. Only your fear speaks to you.

The Lord God has given you a choice - make the right choice.

Dusya, age: 28 / 07/22/2010

Hello, Elena!
I agree with the opinion of Svetlana, who writes that your church life is not “correct enough.” This is evidenced primarily by a state of despondency. It is clear that the reason is your difficult situation. But this is only an external reason. And there is also a hidden, internal, spiritual one. You are either missing something in your spiritual life, or doing something wrong.
You, apparently, have quite a long experience in churching, apparently more than 10 years. And you are now at the second stage of spiritual development.
As the holy fathers write, the first stage begins when a person first comes to God, begins to regularly attend services, participate in church Sacraments, experiences the experience of first prayer, etc. But a person comes to God not on his own, not according to his desire, but according to the Providence of God. (Each person has his own optimal time of recognition and coming to God. Some are rewarded from infancy, and some already learn on their deathbed that there is, it turns out, some kind of God, before whom he will soon appear. And the person confesses, receives communion, or is baptized if he has not been baptized, and goes to the Lord in a Christian way.) The Lord sees that by a certain time a person is ready to accept God and sends him Invoking Grace. Sends this Invoking Grace so abundantly that a person is ready to fly from this spiritual joy. He has an ardent desire to pray and goes to services and tells those around him about God, wanting them to also know - PEOPLE! THERE IS GOD IN THE WORLD!
However, after 10 years (it’s different for everyone), the second stage begins: God takes away grace and, as it were, says, you now know what Grace is, what spiritual joy is, now try to work for My name without this Grace. And “hard” times come (very imperceptibly). What was previously given effortlessly (prayer, going to services, participating in the Sacraments) is now given with great difficulty. Now a spiritual feat is required. If there is FEAT in a person’s life, there is also spiritual life. There is no feat, there is no spiritual life, but there is only EXTERNAL PERFORMANCE OF RITES. Most of the people who fill our churches reach this second stage, this milestone, and do not want to continue living as a feat. “They want there to be no heroic deed, but only spiritual life. To receive communion, confess, pray, be considered Orthodox, be considered outwardly good, and at the same time no feats. This is a kind of Rubicon in a person’s life. His spiritual future depends on whether he understands it and wants to overcome it. And the majority stop before this rubicon and do not want to go further.” (quote from the article by Archpriest V. Vorobyov “Is there repentance?”) What can be advised in this regard.
1) Set a goal - to live at least one week with spiritual effort, with spiritual feat. “The teaching of the church says that there are no people for whom spiritual life is impossible. It may be difficult, but this difficulty itself, if overcome, will give a person spiritual life. This will be a feat. Every person can live by feat. When the feat begins, then spiritual life begins. The feat can take completely different forms. But everything that is difficult for a person, even beyond his strength, his natural capabilities, is a feat. When a person cannot do something, BUT! With faith that God will help him, he rushes towards this difficulty - this is a feat. As soon as a person begins to live by such a feat of faith, overcoming himself and his passions, spiritual life opens up for him.” (see ibid.)
2) Choose a week for asceticism: 1) strengthen your prayer at home, 2) fast, 3) if possible, go to evening service after work. 4) confess 2-3 times in the same week. How are you doing with confession? Do you read formally from a piece of paper or repent with a broken heart? Repeated confession (2-3 times in a row) helps to free oneself from mechanical, formal confession that does not touch the heart. Do you hide any sins during confession? Think about these questions. 5) take communion at the end of the week. I think that now is the right time for you to do this. The time that you would devote to your husband if he were, now try to devote to God. If you live this week (or even a day) in a state of asceticism, you will feel the difference between such an ascetic life, which you should always strive for every day, and your past spiritual life.
3) It is very advisable for you to find an experienced spiritual father who would understand the nuances of your spiritual state and guide you through life. Pray to God to help you in this search.
4) Regarding various external changes - moving, etc. Then, of course, there is no need to move anywhere. As soon as you begin to improve your internal state, external circumstances will immediately begin to change, including your mother-in-law’s attitude towards you, although this does not happen so quickly. You will feel it and see it for yourself. Most people, in search of happiness, habitually change external circumstances: country, apartment, wallpaper in the apartment, furniture, husbands and wives, etc. But they receive only short-term physical or mental joys, which after a short time again require new changes and new monetary or mental replenishment in the future. large sizes . And the internal, spiritual changes of a person give the highest spiritual joys, which, according to God’s providence, rebuild earthly life and, unlike material values, pass along with a person into Eternity. What is another positive aspect of the Sacrament of Confession - you do not need to prepare particularly for it, unlike Communion. I came in before work or after work, confessed and with a light soul - about my earthly affairs. If you, Elena, learn to confess and repent correctly, then everything will change for you. Repentance is a universal spiritual hospital, it heals not only from alcohol or drug addiction (my comment is on but also from love addiction. I have personal experience of healing from love addiction (healing of the acute stage (“WILD pain”, as you write) occurred in 2 -3 weeks, without any months-long suffering like you and many others), and maybe someday I’ll write in more detail. And in short, work on confession so that it is not formal, but sincere, contrite. You must prove to God that you really want to become better, that this is not a fleeting desire. But this is exactly what God wants from every person - for him to become better than he was before. This is the meaning of life. And such proof takes time, spiritual work, spiritual achievement. And here’s what else. You have set yourself up for loneliness (“There will never be a man for several reasons.”) It was you, out of your pride, very confidently and definitely, without any doubt about your own rightness, who decided for God, Who can do ANYTHING, and who may have other plans for you. Indeed, if you marry someone else in your PRESENT SPIRITUAL STATE, the result will be the same. Even if you marry a prince on a white horse (or a white limousine, a white yacht, a white liner, a white rocket...). But! If, again, I repeat, you take care of your inner state, communicate more with God (and not “with other people,” as you correctly write), then everything can change. Maybe the husband will return, or maybe something else. God definitely has no plans to bury you at 31. Be sure to read patristic literature, which provides excellent examples that we should all strive for. You read about some saint, about his life, and there is a desire to follow his example yourself. It is possible to achieve holiness even today, if you try a little. Good examples of working on confession are given in the book “Elder Hieroschemamonk Sampson. Biography, conversations and teachings." M.-1999. It gives examples of how one should actually informally work on confession, dig out from oneself all the roots and roots of passions and vices. Try to devote more time to God, and not to lamps and cats. Although I love cats too. We have 3 of them - Chuba, Sonya and Sima. But to each his own: God’s to God, cats’ – cat’s, and lamps – lamp’s...?? (I have spaces with the Russian language :)).
Yes, God bless you, Elena!

Evgeniy, age: /* / 07/22/2010

My husband found another one. I met my husband 10 years ago, I had a son from my first marriage, and he has a daughter. He said that he loved me and left his first wife and we began to live. Everything was like in a fairy tale, love attention. He said that he couldn’t live without me. Then our daughter was born. And it flew away, he began to look at others - I was jealous, several more years passed, and then he tells me that he doesn’t love me, and asks me to leave with two children from the house that we built (we have a house in half, I have certificate of ownership and he). I tell him that I have nowhere to go. And he answers, well then live here. How can I live with him? He started hating me, started beating me, saying how much he doesn’t love me, and today I saw a photo on his phone of another woman, he said that he chooses her. And then everything stopped for me. Where to go, how to live alone with two children. Of course, I work, but there’s a catastrophic lack of money, and he earns well and doesn’t give me a penny. I no longer have the strength, I even tried to commit suicide, but he just laughed at me out loud. What should I do? Help with advice.

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Angela, age: 33 / 02/26/2017

Responses:

Angela, unfortunately, you have connected your life with a traitor. Moreover, they built a family on the tears of his wife and child. I don't blame you
although I myself am the same wife - my husband left for another, leaving me with two little daughters. I understand that you didn't want
it happened so, they believed in love... But this is not love, but simply a passion that passes over time. Submit for alimony
You have two children, he must provide for them, you can also file for division of property, and for divorce. If he beats you, hates you and
loves another, then I personally don’t see the point in continuing. By the way, I immediately let my husband go, because there is no happiness with a traitor
will. We ask you to rethink your entire life and repent of the fact that you once participated in the breakup of someone else’s family. Go to
church, talk to the priest, it really helps!

Victoria, age: 32 / 02/26/2017

One person said: There is no situation in which there would not be a reasonable solution. There are no occasions when it would be time
thinking about ending your life. The father said to his son. But these were the words of a man who had endured many difficult
tests.

Irina, age: 42 / 02/26/2017

Angela, how else can you live with such a...masculine person? File for divorce, division of property and alimony - it is advisable to sell the house and
divide into two or exchange, so as not to see or hear and let it roll in all 4 directions, and for you a lesson for the rest of your life - on
You can’t build your own happiness from someone else’s misfortune...

Meela, age: 39 / 02/26/2017

The man is irresponsible. Did he help the first child? What contribution did he make to his first child, even if the relationship with him did not work out?
his mother? Anything can happen in life, but you need to understand for what reasons the first one fell apart and a repetition of the situation is possible, since
Few people grow up in a second marriage.
If a man is simply polygamous and irresponsible, then he will have an infinite number of wives and children and the current girlfriend will not
the last one. I really feel sorry for her, she may not realize anything yet, and later she will be left alone with the child like you,
like the first wife.
What should you do now? Move away from him, try to do this in the conditions that exist now. Even if you live on
one territory. It will be better even if he leaves so as not to see each other.
The second is to ask God to forgive you and pray for those people whom you offended or who suffered through your fault, such
there definitely is. You have been given a situation to work on your soul and inner world. Don’t think now about material things, about what you
surrounds, in particular, whether her husband is nearby or not, whether he is at home or has gone to her. The task now is to cleanse yourself from the inside, especially since it has begun
Lent is a time when you need to get rid of all dirt, consider it God's blessing and be grateful that
your children are healthy! Do you know how many terminally ill children there are in the world? And their mothers are ready to give everything for the sake of health, if only they
just lived.
And you tried to give up life so easily, but how will the children survive this? You love your "pain" so much, hurt
dignity, pride, cherish your sacrifice (continue the list yourself), that you are not afraid of how your children will cope with the death of their mother?
God bless you and may He forgive and cleanse your soul from all bad things.

Alice, age: 28 / 02/27/2017

Angela, I once took mine away, now ex-husband, from the family. And 9 years later, another woman took him away from him in exactly the same way.
my family. Everything comes back sooner or later, and even more painfully. But we had the opportunity to feel what
What these women have experienced is to repent, to improve, to hope for new happiness, but not built on someone else’s misfortune...

Natalie, age: 42 / 02/27/2017

Angela, is there such an opportunity to sell the house/your half and buy you a separate home? You need peace, not humiliation and
beatings. And, of course, no thoughts of suicide. You shouldn’t throw away the most valuable thing - life, because no one knows
what fate has in store for us. Be practical - get involved in housing, don’t waste your nerves as much as possible. You need
get out of this, reconsider a lot, in general, try. Dejection and the role of the victim only weaken you.

Oksana, age: 42 / 02/27/2017

Did he really cheat on you or are your suspicions unfounded? And if a contender really appears to take your place in a man’s heart, then how should you behave?

Mendelssohn's march ended - she was born new family. You need each other, and the whole world has faded far into the background. But time passes, and the husband begins to stay late at work more and more often, and upon returning home he tries to go to bed as quickly as possible. It seems that another woman has appeared in his life. Did he make a choice not in your favor, or is he just missing something? We are talking about this topic with psychologist and writer Olga Romaniv, founder and head of the “Classics of Relationships” dating club.

“Quite often you can hear the popular belief that men are polygamous by nature, unlike monogamous women. What does nature itself think about this? Males and females of all animal species have “equal rights”: some species form pairs for life, while others constantly change partners: every season, males compete for the location of females, and they, in turn, try to choose the strongest, hardiest and healthiest among them - and all for the sake of posterity. This is how natural selection occurs.

Therefore, the theory according to which a socially oriented, achievement-oriented man, expanding his social circle, inevitably experiences more temptations, seems more convincing. And success with the opposite sex is not an achievement? A woman, having gotten married, learns the role of the keeper of the hearth and lives in obedience to it: her task is to provide the rear and stability of the family system.

By what signs can we say with greater confidence that there are reasons to worry about male fidelity?

1.He updated his wardrobe

Change of image, new clothes, fashionable accessories... Could all these signs indicate cheating? Whether this will make you happy or sad, but no, they cannot, but it is quite evidence of preparation for betrayal. But the real presence of a relationship on the side does not oblige a man to try for the sake of his mistress. Rather, it’s quite the opposite, because the woman already accepts him for who he is.

The only exception may be underwear. When you have been trying for several years to rid your husband of his addiction to worn panties and T-shirts (sorry for the details), and then he buys a branded set, and you know that this is not for a medical examination - it means that he undresses not only at home.

2.While talking on the phone, he goes into another room

If he even closes the door at the same time, this is also not a sign of betrayal. No adequate husband will talk to his mistress on the phone in front of his wife, even from another room. You married a decent person, didn't you? In extreme cases - in case of an unauthorized call from his “lady of his heart” - he will pretend to be having a conversation with a friend, auto mechanic or colleague. He may feel embarrassed and blush, but he will find an excuse to leave the house.

3.Increased activity correspondence husband in instant messengers and chats

Men text each other quite a bit; it’s easier for them to meet or call each other. But romantic messages in correspondence with a woman awaken his imagination. Therefore, the “writing” activity of a spouse is an alarming symptom. Unless he's a blogger, of course.

4. Changes in intimate life new vocabulary

When we come into close contact with a person, we change and assimilate his worldview. This is how the empathy mechanism works so that we understand each other better. The same applies to the relationship between a man and a woman. New lover - new habits. And all these changes in the usual way of life will be especially noticeable to a partner who is in a long-term stable relationship with a man, when the spouses know and understand each other well.

5.Delays at work

This, as well as evening exhaustion, is not even worth talking about, given the modern approach of most employers to organizing work. There are more and more demands, the volume of work is growing, management strives for maximum efficiency. You need a family breadwinner and breadwinner, right? Then be understanding about your husband’s delays in the office and fatigue - and greet him with a smile.

Last resort

If any of the listed signs are observed in your husband, you can try look at his mobile phone and correspondence. But this can only be resorted to as a last resort! Why? Your fears may turn out to be completely unfounded, but if your husband finds out about the checks... Most people, regardless of gender, perceive interference in their personal space with irritation, or even aggression. Even those who have nothing to hide.

The most accessible way is to study his car. Foreign objects, women's hair, lost earrings, rhinestones and other attributes typical of a woman's wardrobe are “dangerous finds.” If you have discovered any of this, this is a serious reason to think about it. !

Imagine your future

Whatever signs indicate there is another woman in your husband's life, before you get to the bottom of the truth, okay Think about whether you are ready to change your life and your relationship with your loved one. Once his “sins” become obvious to you, and he knows about it, your life will never be the same again.